Am I Going To Be Talking About Jesus All The Time? Short Answer? Yes.
When I first decided to abandon JenChicago.com in favor of this domain, it was sad. I knew I wouldn’t be moving back for at least a year and I needed an online home. Can’t very well post on JenChicago.com when I’m not in Chicago, now can I?
Bada, bing- JenKnoedl.com was birthed.
I wasn’t exactly sure what the blog website would be about- I have so many interests. But mainly, I was going through some existential questioning. So many things weren’t adding up and I kept coming to a place that felt very confusing. I decided that I needed to go on a “quest for a better life”. I even bought the domain name. It was to be this spiritual journey of all the things that make life better… good health, food, habits, people- you get the idea.
My parents were supportive and suggested that I also start dedicating time to reading my Bible. I had so many questions.
Had. What am I saying? I still do.
Over the course of the past year, God has pretty much wrecked my life. Or at least my version of what I wanted my life to be. To get the love and peace I was so desperately seeking, I was gonna have to give up doing it my way. Those of you that know me, can see the conflict coming a mile away.
He has changed me the past few months. I don’t think I’ve ever really tried to give him this much of my life before. Meaning- I’ve had my seasons of being close to him in years past. But gosh… It’s so easy to drift away.
Or maybe I’m just finally a grown-up now. Or at least want to be.
Maybe I got a good enough taste of where my life was headed and I sensed the unfulfillment. The unfulfillment of the soul- not of the moment. Because- maybe it was going to be someplace glittery and sparkly… just with the wrong people… or all alone and completely numb to my need for deep relationships.
The point is… He is making me more tender. I am more authentic and humble. (I know it doesn’t sound humble to say “I’m more humble”, but make no mistake… I ain’t there yet, and I know it.)
But, yes… If only just a glimmer… I’m starting to understand “identity in Christ” and it is changing me.
Oh, so many changes.
Well, this whole past year has been a very humbling experience. it’s been one thing after another and, shamefully, I’ve been a pretty pouty servant so far.
Caring for my grandmother has led me to think more about eternity and how short life really is. I see her depressed and to me that means she doesn’t really believe in heaven or doesn’t really believe she’s going. Scary.
Because it’s sad either way, right? When I am down to my last few years, should I live until old age, I would hope that I am so overwhelmed with the joy of meeting Christ, people feel compelled to cheer for me when I go Home. I wanna be that old lady.
Wow- take a pause to think about that.
Along this line of thinking- I’ve decided that I want to be a wife. Oh sure, some people my age have kids in college but then hey- I always have been one to march to the beat of my own drum. And it finally feels like it’s time.
I also realize that part of my fear of relationships was because I was not looking at Christian relationships. ‘Cause it’s like a whole other world.
When the Bible is the rulebook- it (should) change everything.
Now, both spouses agree to make the relationship a priority… both dying to their own selfish desires… Both wanting with all their heart to shower love on the other…
Well, that sounds lovely. Difficult, perhaps- but so very lovely.
And it all starts with deepening my relationship with God.
I have so much to learn and so much to yet experience that I truly am looking forward to loving Him more…
So, all that to say – I will probably be talking about Jesus a lot – but go ahead and put me down for ‘all the time’. I like a little leeway.
Straight up – the discussion of our eternal souls is the most important one we can have on any given day, as far as I’m concerned. So far no one has lived forever, so this short lifetime is all we get to shape our souls.
This is heavy stuff, I know.
So heavy that not all of the feedback I have received concerning this topic has been positive. Numerous people have reacted in less than kind and supportive ways. It didn’t feel great but it’s nothing like what people in foreign countries may go through.
And nothing like Christ.
Anyway- I don’t care. Ugh. I finally feel like I’m being myself.
Maybe all I am doing is letting Him shine through a little. Less of me and more of Him.
And the Bible says that the Good Word will not return void.
So, if anything I say or write helps to save even one person’s soul… then it was worth it. Done. Jesus would have died for just that one person.
He gave me my boldness for some reason. I’ve been outspoken from childhood. And I wouldn’t be surprised if His reason was so I could be vocal and unashamed of the gospel. Makes sense to me.
I mean- seriously… What is more important to talk about than that?
So. To answer the question that a few people have vocally articulated and a few more have just wondered… The short answer is ‘Yes. I will be talking about Jesus all the time now.’
And really- you should be too.
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