‘I’m Sorry’ Are Two Very Powerful Words #lewinsky #clinton

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My mother used to say growing up

“I’m sorry” are two very powerful words.

The years have proven to me just how true and how rare this really is as I became a woman in search of my people. The people that believe the same things that I believe.ย  The people that care about things that matter.ย  The people that lift me up more than drain me.

 

I’m so far from perfect. And I don’t even say that in a super humble way, if that makes any sense. I see a pridefulness in me that refuses to change because I feel that people need to know I can be an asshole too.ย  If you want me to flex- let’s go.ย  I keep trying to be this sweeter quieter Christian lady that I admire for her calm, but hot-dogget it’s just not how I’m built.ย  I have a quick wit, a piercing tongue and my facial expressions alone can someone DOWN.

 

Ugh.ย  But I don’t want to be. I don’t like that side of me. Or do I? Because honestly, it kind of works for me.ย  The pain does not outweigh the benefit of having someone think I won’t fight back.ย  I’ve got a fire that rarely lets you walk away smugly without hearing what I have to say about it.

 

I think it was comedian Dane Cook that said women are mental terrorists and I for one, am at least a ninja level.ย ย At times, this honestly embarasses me. I tend to fire up quickly only to wake the next day tired from a sleepless night of restless guilt.

 

It’s that sinking feeling that was wrong- when I know I was wrong. And all the energy that it is taking me to feed my fire into believing I was right, is draining me.ย  And it’s bad mojo.

I must apologize.

There is something so curious about apologizing to someone- especially someone that you don’t necessarily like. The desire to tell the person all the ways that they are wrong is strong. Or shall I change the subject just slightly enough to distract from my wrongdoing?ย  Maybe bring up some old stuff?
So when I can overcome my feelings to apologize anyway, I feel the inner steel.

I also feel the tingles of never wanting to apologize to that person for that thing again. The humility teaches me a lesson.

Far from being be expert on the Monica Lewinsky – Bill Clinton story, her quote in this article,ย inspired me.ย  I can only imagine what she had to overcome to get here.
As for ever getting an apology from the ex-president himself, she says, “What feels more important to me than whether I am owed or deserving of a personal apology is my belief that Bill Clinton should want to apologize. Iโ€™m less disappointed by him, and more disappointed for him. He would be a better man for it … and we, in turn, a better society.”ย  – USA Today

You know what, Monica?ย  #MeToo

I couldn’t agree with her more.ย  When I thought about Monica’s mature words, I remembered the words of my motherโ€ฆ

I’m sorry are two very powerful words.

 

And I imagined Clinton going on TV as he did when he enunciated the famous words I did not have sexual relations with that womanโ€ฆ but instead to look the camera dead in the eye and apologize.ย  But I see that even now he will not.ย  And I can’t control that.ย  That is his legacy.ย  And in my opinion, Ms. Lewinsky has risen above in character, integrity and strength.

 

There are many things about me and what I believe, that upset others.ย  But I am not sorry for these things- and will not apologize.

 

But there are other things that I am sorry for and that I must apologize for if I want the world to be a better place.ย  Adding more authenticity and truth and honesty to the world has to start with me.

My ego must die just a little for the greater good.

I’ve come to realize that one of the reasons that I’m single (and there are many) is because I want a man who is super self-aware, brave and authentic. I definitely do not expect him to be perfect because that is not love, nor is it what I offer in return.

 

I do expect him to be able to communicate. I expect him to be able to articulate his motives and to say “I’m sorry” when he’s wrong.

 

It’s ironic how the voice in my head get scared before I am going to apologize especially to someone I don’t really trust or like.ย  Aย voice tells me that the other person will somehow win and we mustn’t show weakness.

But in reality, I am the one that wins when I apologize.

Because if they accept my apology, as they usually do, then we are better friends for it. If they do not accept my apology, then I get to be a little self righteous in thinking that I do not want to be friends with someone who is so obtuse as to think that they themselves do not make some similar mistake.

 

All I do is win.ย  How about you?

 

If you want to join me for more real talk, I’m going through a reading plan for Battlefield of the Mind on my Facebook Page.